What Does the Future Hold?

I had the privilege of watching my oldest nephew graduate from high school this past weekend.  Watching him achieve this milestone in his life was something I will never forget.  He is now an adult, and has no idea what challenges are in front of him.  This, I think, is a wonderful thing.  He will only be this age once, and I remember being carefree at this moment in my life so many moons ago.

As my sister held a fabulous party for him that evening, we were presented with a video montage of moments in his life.  Baby pictures, Halloween pictures, graduating from Kindergarten pictures, and yes, those oh so embarrassing pictures.  Flashing back over the past 18 years was wonderful and emotional.  I am so very proud of him and what the future has in store for him.

For just a moment this weekend, I was able to take my mind off of what my little one has in store for it over the next few days.  Maybe not my little one, maybe it is just me.  This baby has no idea what I am going through at this point, and hopefully whatever stress I hold has no effect on it.  You see, we have our appointment with our perinatologist for not only an echo on the baby’s heart, but also to see if there are any other abnormalities.

As I anxiously await this appointment to see what path we must take from here on out, my mind can’t help but wander with the “what ifs.”  Not knowing is difficult, and emotionally exhausting.  The chances of the baby actually having these abnormalities are pretty low based on previous test results.  But don’t you always feel like you will fall in that percentage that is quoted?  I mean, it’s like the lottery.  Someone has to hit those winning numbers, will it be me?

I know I am not the first Mother to deal with this, and I have no idea how they overcame the anxiousness.  What I do know is that the majority of the stories from these women are positive, and the words of encouragement are always welcome, even if they don’t put my mind and heart at ease.  I am a worrier (I get it from my Grandmother), and I have tried to tell myself a million times that no matter how much I worry, I can’t change the future.  Well, that worked up until yesterday.   As a Mom, my job is to worry, even if I have no control over it.  We, as Mothers, hope deep down somehow all that worrying will make a difference.

So as we anxiously await the next 24 hours, I pray.  I pray for my baby’s health, for a “normal” outcome, and if the results are not perfect, then I pray for the strength to say “ok, what’s next?”  No matter what news we are given tomorrow, I know with today’s technology, we will be prepared no matter what.  And I can’t wait for the day that my family can come together and celebrate both of my children’s milestones, and hopefully have their worries fade, even if it is for a day.

Janet Fragle works in customer engagement for innovative technology solutions at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Plano and is 17 weeks and six days into pregnancy for her second child today.