Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Never say never

I am sure you have heard the saying, “never say never,” right? Well, I am a clear example of someone who shouldn’t say it and proclaim from the rooftops, “I will never meet our foster daughter’s biological parents; I want to be the anonymous foster Mom.”

While I have met many fellow foster parents who have developed a friendship with their foster children’s biological family, I am not quite there yet. As far as I knew it, I had the option of being anonymous and the biological family members of Amanda’s would not know my name, face, or the car I drive.

What brought us to our crossroads was Amanda’s very complex medical case and the Judge made the decision that the biological family member is strongly encouraged to attend her medical appointments and most importantly, medical procedures.

My time had come; the biological mother was going to attend Amanda’s surgery and I was going to meet her, face to face bright an early at 6:30 a.m. I wasn’t sure what to say, how she would react to meeting me for the first time. I had so many scenarios going through my head. I thought to myself, she might be as nervous as I am and I should stop over analyzing everything.

The biological mother did come to Amanda’s surgery. She was there to comfort Amanda after the surgery and brought her the cutest little blanket.  The biological mother and I stayed for a few hours comforting Amanda from the residual effects from anesthesia and when it came time for us to be discharged, the moments saying good bye lasted the longest as we stood by my car.

While I always said, I never want to meet the biological family members and that I prefer to be anonymous, I'm glad the biological mom was able to come and be with Amanda during this time. My own personal level of uneasiness and nerves were calmed when I saw her hold her child. I realize that in life, we do make mistakes and seeing Amanda being held and kissed by her mother did give me a sense of comfort to what started as a very uneasy day.

Christy Benson is the director of Clinical Informatics Analysis & Measurement for Texas Health Resources, Mom to two boys, and Foster Mom.

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