Treasuring each moment without going insane

First time at a water park.

Right now my sons are 5 and 2 and sometimes I feel like all I hear is how I’m supposed to treasure each moment.

I know I’ll probably lose Mommy points for saying it, but it’s become somewhat of a sore spot. Don’t get me wrong – I try, but when I’m really concentrating on it, I start to get overwhelmed. How am I supposed to treasure each moment when life is moving so fast? As a working Mom, there’s a lot of scheduling to contend with and small milestones feel like they’re flying by: kindergarten Christmas program, a second birthday, Christmas morning, playing in the ice (they thought it was snow and at one point I just gave up and let them play in it.) So there I am, snapping pictures and trying to burn the images into my memory – all the while treasuring. Each. Moment.

It’s just too much.

Why Do You Like Christmas?

The task was simple, or so I thought.  For this post, I wanted to ask my kids why they like Christmas.  When the camera was off, the question was easy, but once the camera started rolling, it was a little more difficult, apparently. 

I asked Preston and Emory to introduce themselves, tell how old they are and share why they like Christmas.  Preston went first. 

Preston, Age 6

Getting Into the Christmas Spirit

I absolutely love me some Christmas. I love the lights and the music and the special feeling you get when everything seems to be decorated with tinsel and bells – and of course I love setting up our Christmas tree. But I will admit that as I’ve gotten older I have to make sure I’m in the right frame of mind before I decorate.

Now that I’m solidly in my 30s with a husband, two children and a full-time career, it’s easy to make decorating for Christmas just one more thing on the to-do list. Get the dog groomed, go pick up milk and decorate the house for Christmas – check, check, check. Case in point: last weekend. On Friday night we decorated the house and I was exhausted from Thanksgiving and just not feeling particularly Christmasy. There were house chores to do, I needed to get my children off the Thanksgiving sugar high they were on and I really just wanted a nap. But there I was, dragging totes out of closets to fetch the Christmas stockings, decorations and lights – almost like it was some dreaded chore that needed to be finished.

The ‘poor second child’ syndrome

To say that I documented each of my first son’s milestones would be an understatement.

I took an embarrassing number of pictures of Max, scrapbooked, had cards made on Shutterfly and completed (almost) every part of his baby book. But you know how every parent tells you that the second child never gets the same amount of attention? Well, they’re right – sort of.

Case in point: the first haircut. For Max, his first haircut was planned. It was a Saturday morning and my husband and I both giddily took Max in the backyard, explained what we were doing as we snapped ‘before’ pictures and then painstakingly used the special ‘children’s haircut scissors’ to cut his little blonde hairs. Then we took several after pictures (I didn’t save the hairs – I’m just not a fan of storing hair in a box as a keepsake) and, of course, I scrapbooked about it.

And then there was Jack.

Zombie toddler

My almost-two-year-old Jake is a frequent victim of toddler bites at day care.

Through Mom friends and co-workers, I’d learned early on that biting is common among little ones. It’s how some of them vent the frustration that comes with not being able to say what you need to say. So I didn’t let it alarm me too much.

But week after week, I found myself signing incident reports when a fresh set of red bite marks would appear -- sometimes accompanied by bruising or broken skin -- on his chubby little arm. It just broke my heart to see it. Today he is sporting very distinct red teeth marks on each arm, and I half considered dressing him as a toddler zombie instead of a dinosaur for trick-or-treating. (I’ve been watching too much of The Walking Dead, I think.)

Helping an anti-change child deal with the moving blues

Last month, my husband and I sold our house and moved. We’ve certainly done that before, but moving with children is just a whole other animal – especially when one of them doesn’t like change.

My 5-year-old son Max isn’t a big fan of ‘different’ things. We have learned through the years that if you’re going to spring a big change on him, to do it systematically. Below are a few things we did to help ease the pain of the move for Max and for our 21-month-old, Jack. If you’re planning a move anytime soon, I hope it helps!

A Boy and His Ties

Easter tie

The beginning of the tie phase in our house began this past Easter, when Preston, age 5, declared, “I want to wear a tie to school for our Easter party and to church on Sunday,” and that’s exactly what he did. 

He Did It!!!

I’m so proud of my little man I could burst.

T. wasn’t really excited about any team sports this fall. At our local Y, I saw a brochure about a local kid’s triathlon and asked the boy if he’d be interested. His response? “I like swimming; I like running; I like biking. Yeah.” So we talked about a goal. Since this was his first triathlon, the goal would be to finish. He didn’t have to be first, and it was OK if he was last, as long as he finished.

The triathlon is designed with the kids in mind. No parents are allowed in the transition areas—we are there to cheer them on. The kids are responsible for setting up their bikes, figuring out how they were going to dry themselves off and get on the bike, and how to get their bikes back in place so they could begin the run. It’s a lesson in planning and responsibility.

What’s the right answer?

Elliot recently moved up to a new class at his school, and one of the great things the teachers do for the parents is place this little white board at the entrance to the class. Every few days they ask a question to the class and post their hilarious responses. Normally the questions lend themselves to comedy – such as “where do you live?” As you might imagine, the answers that the fertile brains of 2-year-olds came up with was something to behold.

This particular day the question was cut and dried, but as you can see, the results are priceless. Every single kid in the class answered correctly…except my son.

As any good parent would do, I instantly saw the comedic gold and began sharing this image with friends and family through text, social media and email. What became funnier that the image itself was the varied responses I received. Each response fit nicely into one of four basic categories.

Toddler Words

I’m endlessly entertained by the joyful nonsense jibber-jabber of my toddler. It makes my heart so happy.

I think it’s interesting, too, the words they start to pick up (or don’t), and what other toddlers his age pick up in comparison.

Aside from the basic Mama, Dada, Bye Bye, Night Night kind of stuff, here are some of my 21-month-old’s favorite words:

Bubbles
Abinky (his pacifier)
Ball
Apple
Elmo
Uh-Oh!
Oh no!
Aw Man!
Oushide (Outside)
Kitty Cat
Doggie

Is this child overweight?

My son told me a story about a new program at school last year where he had to get on a scale in front of his entire class because his BMI was being measured.  I asked him if it the weighing in occurred away from other children in a semi-private area, and he told me that it did not.  He mentioned to me that when he stepped on the scale, other children made fun of him because he weighed more than most children in his class. My son was teased because of his weight. 

Now, this weigh-in obviously leads somewhere.  At the end of school year, my son was handed a sheet of paper with statistics for his physical fitness comparing the beginning of the school year to the end of the school year.  It compared sit ups, pulls ups, running, and lastly, BMI.  BMI? Wait, what?! 

Can you take a toddler to the movies?

Well, the answer is yes. Kind of.

I have two sons – a 5 year old and a 21 month old – and about a month ago, the older one really wanted to see Planes. So my husband and I went back and forth over whether or not our younger son, Jack, could go. He’s only 21 months and we thought he might get overwhelmed or not be able to sit still that long… the list went on and on. I Googled ‘what age can you take your child to the movies’ and got a ton of conflicting answers, but, in the end we decided to go for it.

Road Trippin’

This weekend I took Sam to League City (a suburb of Houston) for a little Grandma and Grandpa time. (Plus, Grandma, Aunt Lynne Cookie, and Mommy had tickets to see Wicked – woo-hoo for girl time!).

Sam is a seasoned road-tripper by now, but each trip brings some new enlightenment.

Here are a few nuggets from this weekend:

•    Any thought (yours or his) can be interrupted at any time with, “I see train tracks!”

•    Inside voices do not exist in cars.

Keeping the Me in Mommy

Don’t be distracted by this smiling, happy child… or else you could get burned.

No, really.

Last weekend my husband and I packed up our two sons to go to a friend’s pool party at noon. The morning of the pool party consisted of us adults running around getting the boys dressed, packing extra swim diapers and snacks and milk in a cooler, finding the pool toys, floaties and sunblock and trying to solve the omnipresent ‘nap’ issue  we face when our day involves a mid-day event.

Bags and coolers packed, we piled the boys into our car and headed to the pool party. About halfway there I realized I forgot to pack my contacts and sunglasses, so I could avoid wearing my glasses in the pool. “All well,” I said to my husband. “No biggie.”

Cool, Entertainment for Hot Summer Days

This year my oldest son, Max, finished pre-kindergarten and is experiencing his first real ‘summer break.’ Since I’m a big time planner, I started working on a summer calendar months ago: camps, swim lessons, mini-school sessions? But as we went down the list I had so eloquently come up with, Max only went for one thing: science camp.

At first I was taken aback. Who would want to sit around for several months with no plans? What kind of kid am I raising? And then it hit me – I’m raising a kid like me. I don’t think I attended one single camp during my summers, but I was a master mud pie chef, an inventor of any outside game that involved running and/or being chased, and an avid living room movie goer.

So, my husband and I thought up a few summer activities that are a little more ‘grass-roots’ if you will. As my son can attest, activities don’t have to be fancy – they just have to be fun!

Here are a few shockingly simple things our 5-year-old son loved:

Dancing – even when you don’t want to

This morning, as I ran around my house trying to gather up everything I needed for work and get my pre-schooler’s backpack in working order, I was invited to a dance party. And I kind of had to go.

A little back story: My husband and I love music. Not in the sense that we play instruments or sing and not in the sense that we’re super knowledgeable in music history or anything. We just like to listen to music. At our house, it’s not uncommon for us to crank up the radio and just start dancing with our now 5-year-old son, Max. Through the years, that has evolved into what Max calls our “family dance party” during which we turn on music and Max and our 1-year-old Jack and my husband and I just … dance.

Not-So Crafty Momma Strikes Again!

It’s that time of year again…that time when Moms like me (aka, not-so-crafty Moms) feel the need to attempt cute, homemade things for their most adorable darlings. Yep…it’s birthday time!

For MONTHS – and that’s in real time, so imagine what it’s like in toddler-time – Sam has been asking for a Mickey Mouse Marching band birthday party. We’re a band family, so I was HAPPY to oblige that request! Plus, I already knew I had a Mickey Mouse Bandleader cake pan – SCORE! I could bake and decorate his cake again! However, I knew the cake from that pan would not be big enough for large number of expected party guests (family alone is nearly 30 people).

Night and Day

My two big boys are as different as night and day. This is good because each is definitely his own person, and each really seems to know his own mind. It's also bad because, well...they're siblings. And even siblings who have similar personalities squabble sometimes. Polar opposite siblings? Oh the fights these two have.

The way they fight is different, too. The boys' Mom and I have recounted countless "war stories" between the two. Jacob relishes being older and bigger. He's often the instigator, and he remains cool through most of the fight (physical or verbal). Caleb, on the other hand, is a scrapper. He gets mad and his temper flares and he will not back down. No matter how much we try to say, "just walk away; he's only looking for a reaction" it's just not in Caleb's nature if he thinks he's been wronged.

Often these days, the grown-ups' role is more referee than parent. More times than not, we're insisting that they go to separate rooms or threatening to take away electronics or XBox time if they don't just CUT. IT. OUT.  (Or, one my mother will surely appreciate: "I don't care who started it, I. Am. Ending. It!") We've also tried forcing them to work together to work out the issue (or complete the chore), but that typically only results in more refereeing.

With only about 3.5 years separating J and C, they used to really be great playmates. These days, that 3.5 years is a BIG difference. At nearly 13, J is writing papers and juggling pre-AP English, Math, Science, and History classes, middle school band, school and elite basketball, and select baseball. At almost 9.5, Caleb juggles GATES (GT program at the elementary level), rec. basketball, select baseball, and still gets recess most days.

And don't even get me started on girls. Both claim to think girls are silly and - dare I say it? - icky. However, the quantity of text conversations on J's phone between him and girls might give him away on that front. Caleb? Yeah, girls really are just too silly for him right now. He's our black-and-white, cut-and-dried guy. Girls are just silly, giggly beings only worthy of heavy sighs and eye rolls.

I'm certainly  no expert, but I'm sure at least part of the increase in the squabbling comes from the larger-than-the-numbers show age gap. They're in different worlds right now.Part of it, of course, is standard sibling rivalry - both are competitive and stubborn. Both have standard birth order complaints. Jacob is convinced Caleb is babied and coddled (not true) and Caleb is sure that Jacob unfairly gets more priveledges and freedom than Caleb does (also not true).

So, on rare nights like tonight when they agree on restaurant choice (or at least don't come to blows over it), gaming choice, AND movie rental? Those are nights I relish.

How do you handle sibling rivalry? Does separation or "forced" cooperation work better for you?
P.S. Mom? Thank you so much for not REALLY letting Lynne and I fight it out and raising whoever survived. I'm sure you're loving life's sweet revenge on us both now. :)

Julie Daneman is wife to Bryan, Stepmom to Jacob and Caleb, and Mommy to Sam. They are a boisterous, loving, happy interfaith family.

A New Pediatrician's Perspective

Miss A had a fitful night of sleep on Friday night and woke up Saturday morning complaining she didn't feel well.

We reluctantly scrapped our plans of going to the zoo and canceled a playdate with a dear friend.

I called the pedi from bed at 8:01 and they made us an appointment for 8:45. Thank goodness for Saturday office hours, but we had only 30 minutes to not only pack a bag for the pedi, but to pack a bag for Granna and Bapa's. We decided we would go there for the day for some QT.

Our first trip to the ER

Much like almost everything that has happened in the last 20 months of parenthood, our first trip to the ER with Elliot was nothing like what I expected. The reason for this can be easily traced to the fact that I watch too much TV and tend to base my expectations of real life on what I’ve seen. For instance, the night Lauren gave birth, I envisioned us rushing to the hospital, Lauren screaming in the passenger seat to hurry or the baby may have to be delivered in the car. In reality we sat around the house for hours, not sure if she was actually in labor, then calmly drove to Texas Health Dallas and had a very serene birth experience.

You’d think I would have learned my lesson about over-dramatizing life events … but no.