Letter to my four-month-old

My dear sweet girl,

How is it possible you are already four months old? The time is flying by. It seems like each day now brings a new milestone. In one day recently you both officially rolled over and had your first giggle. I say officially because it doesn’t truly count for the record books until both your Dad and I see it.

Now you’re grasping for toys, holding your head up like a champ, starting to “talk,” wiggling to sit up whenever you’re held and not too tired or eating. I can practically see your brain synapses firing as you are learning at an incredible rate. You glance around the room categorizing each thing and studying new objects. Things are starting to go into your mouth aside from that pesky thumb you found several weeks ago. It is thrilling to watch and yet I worry, can I keep up?

Facing tough questions

This post is a continuation of the journey of the Benson family to adopt two children. Read more of their journey through fostering and adoption here. 

I had the biggest over the top visions and dreamy plans in my head of what we were going to do when we all arrived home and how their whole arrival would be. I mean, they were completely unrealistic but I like to live in my own little dream world sometimes.  

As soon as we got home, David and Grace raced up the stairs so fast they never saw the welcome home sign or any other part of the house to be frank. They saw stairs and literally sprouted wings in search of their very own bedroom. Over the years, David and Grace never had a bed or even their own bedroom. This was huge for them!  We didn’t share any details about their room before we arrived. We kept this little detail a secret from them; we wanted them to have some element of surprise when we arrived home.

Treasuring each moment without going insane

First time at a water park.

Right now my sons are 5 and 2 and sometimes I feel like all I hear is how I’m supposed to treasure each moment.

I know I’ll probably lose Mommy points for saying it, but it’s become somewhat of a sore spot. Don’t get me wrong – I try, but when I’m really concentrating on it, I start to get overwhelmed. How am I supposed to treasure each moment when life is moving so fast? As a working Mom, there’s a lot of scheduling to contend with and small milestones feel like they’re flying by: kindergarten Christmas program, a second birthday, Christmas morning, playing in the ice (they thought it was snow and at one point I just gave up and let them play in it.) So there I am, snapping pictures and trying to burn the images into my memory – all the while treasuring. Each. Moment.

It’s just too much.

Thankfulness

This week every year I really look and realize everything I have to be thankful for.

Yes, I am thankful all year long and try not to take things for granted. But with Thanksgiving this week I am thinking more and more about the things I am thankful for.

A few years back, I took a lot of things for granted and really just lived day to day. It took just a quick turn in my life to really sit down and realize all that I have been blessed with. Wow, God really has blessed my family, friends and me more than I could ever have imagined. I love more than anything that I am able to serve my family each and every day. Even just in the small things like listening to them tell a story about something that happened to them during the day. My husband and two daughters put a smile on my face and fill my heart.

I challenge you this week and every week throughout the year to look through the small window of life and see what God is doing for you and through you each and every day.  I can promise you even in the hardest days, God has a plan for you and your life.

Be Blessed this Thanksgiving!

Stephanie Abernathy is a Mom of two in the Dallas/Fort Worth area who works at Texas Health Harris Methodist Hospital Hurst-Euless-Bedford. She is wife to Clint Abernathy, administrative director of business optimization and ancillary services at Texas Health Harris Methodist Hospital Alliance. 

Love conquers all

I believe that three of the most powerful words in the English language are “I love you.”

When I was a kid, my parents worked all sorts of odd jobs and had odd hours. I could always count on my dad leaving a note on the counter with instructions and an “I love you” written on it. My parents taught us that we should always end every conversation with those words.

Fast forward to today, and we still keep that habit. I model it for my children. I tell them and my husband that I love them at random times. And apparently they’re noticing.

'I’m not a baby, I’m a Nandi'

As I look at my firstborn continue to mature before my eyes, a famous quote by James Baldwin comes to mind: “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

Little Nandi lives up to Baldwin’s quote on a daily basis. And she’s quick to remind me that she’s a growing girl. I love wrapping her up in my arms and smothering her with kisses. I’ll then ask her if she’s my baby. Her response: “No, mama. I’m not a baby. I’m a Nandi!” Then she’ll run off, far away from me, to occupy her time doing more important things, I guess.

One of her pastimes is driving her car. Nandi’s car, mind you, is her bright red tricycle. She has her very own keychain, full of whistles and mini-flashlights, which she calls her keys. She’ll grab her “keys” and hop onto her “car” peddling as fast as her little legs can go, riding all over the house. As an afterthought, she’ll stop and say, “Bye! I gotta go shopping!”

Girls and their Baby Dolls

What is it about girls and their baby dolls?  Emory, age three, has loved baby dolls since she was old enough to hold one.  She had a favorite doll that she used to take to the sitter as a baby.  When she got a little older, her MaMaw and PaPaw gave her a huge baby doll that was bigger than she was, and she immediately fell in love with her. Once Emory started talking, she named her Allie. 

Emory hasn’t reached the stage where she wants to change Allie’s clothes.  On the contrary, that poor baby doll stays stripped down with no clothes all the time.  However, Emory does love to change her diaper.  She even found diaper rash medicine that I’ve caught her using on Allie. 

Why have kids?

Recently I was laughing with a friend of mine who is not a mom about a common tendency among parents: using the “but having kids is so worth it” phrase when talking to child-free folks. Let me explain:

This is an age of motherhood which, mercifully, we aren’t all pretending to be perfect parents. We openly (over)share our struggles, we commiserate, we empathize, we post Instagram photos of our #mommyfails and laugh about them together. We seek out advice from one another and don’t pretend to have it all figured out. We openly acknowledge that this parenting thing is taxing, frustrating, life-changing and full of sacrifice.

We tell these war stories to our child-free friends. And then we see the reaction on their faces, we know we’ve said too much, and we tack on that cliché disclaimer “but having kids is so worth it” as if that explains it all in a nutshell.  As a parent, you know all of the wonderfulness that is packed into that phrase – but if you don’t have kids, you’re kind of left scratching your head.

A Boy and His Ties

Easter tie

The beginning of the tie phase in our house began this past Easter, when Preston, age 5, declared, “I want to wear a tie to school for our Easter party and to church on Sunday,” and that’s exactly what he did. 

A Mother’s Wish

From learning how to walk, ride a bike, date without parental supervision and drive, it has all led up to this day.

The transition to young adulthood has been difficult to watch as a single Mom, but I hope I’ve done it with love and support and have not been too smothering.

Last week was the most difficult to date.  It seems that the speed limit on the road to adulthood has been increased.  My son, who has barely gotten over having a bed time, turned 16 and received his driver’s license on the same day.

Little Prayer Warrior

Growing up, when an ambulance passed us with its lights on, we immediately prayed.  My mom tells a story about how my grandmother heard sirens and began praying for whomever the ambulance was going to help.  As it turns out, she was praying for my grandfather who had a stroke.  He ended up living many years after his stroke.

Consequently, we teach our children to do the same.  Emory, who is nearing age three, is my little prayer warrior.  She takes the job of praying very seriously, especially praying for sirens.  Thanks to her, many people receive extra prayers when they are hurt. 

“Momma, will you pray for those sirens,” she asks in her sweet voice.  I pray for them and often turn it back to her, “Emory, will you pray for them?”  She ever so sweetly bows her head and says, “Dear Jesus, please be with the sirens and whoever they are going help.  Amen.”  

Whether those sirens are passing us on the highway, on the news, a TV show or in a Curious George book, we stop to pray for them.  It’s almost comical when we pray for the ones in the books or TV shows, but I’m proud of the lesson she’s learning in the power of prayer.  I’m also grateful for the reminder she’s teaching me in knowing that our God is so powerful that stopping for a moment to pray can change results in a heartbeat.  

Julie Swink works in Brand Management and Promotions for Texas Health Resources and is a Mom of two.

Things Never Change

My mother always said that God has a sense of humor, and lately, I’m beginning to think that is true. I can’t believe I’m quoting my mother.

I am mom to a college senior, Willie. He is a joy in my life. He’s studying to have a career in criminal justice, and also plays college football. I am so incredibly proud of him.

Before Willie left for college, I remember the house was never quiet. I attended all sorts of activities that he was participating in: football, track and field, youth drama and various church activities – you name it, I was there!  Our family was always busy. And being busy means there were always additional kids at the house. I never minded because I was helping my son and could be a positive impact on his life. And let’s face it; it was nice being the cool mom!

Keeping the Me in Mommy

Don’t be distracted by this smiling, happy child… or else you could get burned.

No, really.

Last weekend my husband and I packed up our two sons to go to a friend’s pool party at noon. The morning of the pool party consisted of us adults running around getting the boys dressed, packing extra swim diapers and snacks and milk in a cooler, finding the pool toys, floaties and sunblock and trying to solve the omnipresent ‘nap’ issue  we face when our day involves a mid-day event.

Bags and coolers packed, we piled the boys into our car and headed to the pool party. About halfway there I realized I forgot to pack my contacts and sunglasses, so I could avoid wearing my glasses in the pool. “All well,” I said to my husband. “No biggie.”

Confessions of a Biter Parent

I’ll never forget the first time she bit a friend.  Brett had picked her up from school and when they walked in he placed the sheet of paper on the counter and said “tell mommy what you did” in a very disapproving tone.  What?  My perfect child bit someone?  Well, I’m sure it wasn’t her fault, right?  I’m sure they were picking on her and she was just defending herself?  I mean she is petite and there are mostly boys in her class . . . I could go on and on justifying her actions, right? 

Later on, I was sitting in a group with colleagues and they were asking me about Shelby’s latest adventures at school.  We were laughing about some of the incident reports I had been posting on Facebook.  “Oh, you have a biter, too?” one of them said.  Oh good-someone else who understood!

Mommy Time Out

I’m sure many of you have heard of the “Mommy time out” some of you may even be Pro’s at it! Well I have decided to add it to my discipline arsenal.

I have been reflecting the last couple of days because Henry and I can’t seem to get it together. And for all those who said three years old is worse than two, you were RIGHT! Right now age two is remembered like a honeymoon, peaceful, relaxing, loving and overall enjoyable.

I feel like I am in that movie “Groundhog Day” where they keep reliving the same day over and over, except the title to my movie would be “Opposite Day” as in do the opposite of whatever Mom says. There have been lots of tantrums and throw downs on both of our parts.

Here Comes Trouble

 

A while back, a coworker warned me to enjoy it while I could. She told me to enjoy the time when I could put Hannah down in a pillow fort on the bed or put her on her play mat with a selection of toys and she would entertain herself happily. The coworker told me to be afraid because one day I’d put her down, look away and look back and think “where did she go?”

Well that happened Friday.

Hannah had turned 6 months old the day prior. In the week prior, she’d been maneuvering into a downward dog yoga position, on her hands and feet, and would try to move herself along. She would get frustrated when she didn’t go anywhere. She didn’t quite understand crawling, but I knew it was only a matter of time.

This Too Shall Pass

Today I went and hung out with a dear friend of mine and her six week old at the hospital. Her sweet boy was born with a heart condition where he has SVT episodes, sending his heart rate into the high 200s. Thankfully his condition is not life threatening and he will very likely grow up and live a pretty normal life and be a healthy little kid. But the past six weeks they have been in and out of the hospital as they try to figure out his meds to get the episodes under control.  I went up today just be a support, since her husband is out of town, and plus it gave me the chance to love on that sweet guy!

While walking through the halls of the hospital, especially the floor he was on gave me flashbacks to when my own little boy Henry was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Texas Health Harris Methodist Hospital Fort Worth. Seeing the giraffe beds and hearing the alarms go off on the O2 Sat monitors reminded me of those long eight weeks.

Straight from the heart

I am so grateful to have a son and daughter that I can trust.  They share things that children will not share with their parents.  For this, I am grateful. 

As the Mom of two nearly grown children I’ve learned a few lessons while they were growing up that have served all of us well over the years.

Parents, build a trust relationship with your children.  Start as early as possible, but start!

A Montessori love story

The campus was idyllic and beautiful: big shady trees, picket fences, playgrounds, and gardens for the children to upkeep. But as we toured the Montessori school with its owner there was something about this serene scene that was bothering me, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Then she asked: “Were there any complications with your pregnancy? And how did your childbirth go?”

Say what?!? What does this have to do with my son going to your school? Diplomatic ole’ me just answered her questions politely and then powwowed with my husband Brian afterward, only to find out we were thinking the same thing: let’s keep searching.

Adventures in Boating

I think I have entered full-out Mommy mode.  We have a boat and enjoy summers on the lake.  It has always been a relaxing way for us to recharge our batteries on the weekend.  Last year, we took Shelby on the boat with us and of course she was still little so she slept through the whole thing.  This weekend we loaded up with some of our friends and ventured out on the lake for a couple of hours. Well, let me share with you how that unraveled . . .

First, just getting to the lake took us almost all day.  By the time we waited for Shelby to take her nap so she would be on schedule and a happy little boater it was after 2 p.m.  I think we actually got the boat in the water with everyone on board by 3-ish.  I really like to plan and I can tell you my planning mojo was completely off course with this outing.