Maybe baby

Part one: The decision

My husband Brett and I married and I got to instantly try out my parenting skills with my new stepsons who were 3 and 5 years old. I even took the opportunity to work from home for a year and a half so I could get to know these little guys. This was plenty for me in the first few years of our marriage and that was good because Brett had undergone a vasectomy, so if we did want a baby it would be a major decision, emotionally and financially.

As anyone who is married knows you start getting the baby question after the first two to three years. Of course we were starting to encounter that, along with people around us who were having babies. Why is it when other people get pregnant they want you to get pregnant too? It is like they are recruiting for a new club or something.

Anyway, after much back and forth we decided to go for it. In case you didn’t know, the longer you wait after having a vasectomy, the more your chances go down for a successful reversal of the vasectomy. So, let me also tell you that my husband and I are both type A personality, we are “doers” if you will. We set a goal and we figured out a way to achieve it. Personally, I love a plan. I love organization. Structure. All of that. So in my mind I had a plan. Step one was to get my husband “un-snipped” as we had termed it, and then step two was that I would get pregnant.

We researched doctors, got a loan for $8,000 and my dear, sweet husband went under the knife for a four hour surgery. Another thing you might not know is that a vasectomy reversal is actually microsurgery to reconnect the vas deferens. Just think of it as the bridge being out and the sperm can’t get across! The microsurgery reconnects the bridge.

With step one complete (the un-snipping) we were ready to move on to step two: getting me pregnant. This is where our lives became somewhat of an emotional roller coaster.

No one mentions that your vasectomy reversal surgery can close up due to inflammation. Or maybe they did mention that and with our can-do mentality we didn’t even hear it? I mean, failing just wasn’t an option with anything we did in our lives. Well, that happened to us, twice. When the vas deferens close they prescribe powerful antibiotics that have some side effects that just make you feel terrible. But again, my wonderful husband endured all of this because that is just how we are - set a goal and achieve it.

I can’t tell you the panic I felt when they said it closed. What now? Why didn’t we freeze some sperm when we had the chance? I don’t think I mentioned it earlier, but not only do I like having a plan, I also like to have options. So guess what the next mission was? Getting rid of the infection and putting some sperm on ice just in case which is exactly what we did.

Not only had we made the decision to start trying for a baby, but we told everyone that we were going to try. I don’t live with regrets, but I think this might have been a misstep on our part. It was thrilling to finally answer that question of “well, are ya’ll going to have one?” with “Yes! We are trying!” However, as the months dragged on I can say that I started to dread that question with every fiber of my being. Don’t get me wrong, those questions come from a place of love from people who care about you and want to see you achieve this miracle, but it served as a constant reminder to me as something we were failing at and not achieving. And as I mentioned earlier, we are “doers.”

So what was our next step? We seemed to be stuck. Our plan wasn’t going as we had designed it. What do Type A people do when this happens? You look for answers to the problem. You attempt to remove the obstacles. And in our case, you start to search out keywords like “fertility treatments” in the internet.

I will leave you with that cliffhanger for now since I want to give every part of this experience proper attention. So tune in for next time as I share a little more of our journey.

Makala Pollard