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I am not a perfect parent by any measuring stick. And I am not under the delusion that my kiddos can do no wrong. When they make a mistake or act inappropriately, it’s my job to fix the behavior and show them how to live up to my expectations.
I have found myself in situations where I didn’t agree with how a parent approached disciplining their children, to the point where the children are not welcome around mine. When a parent approached me about it, I was honest about the children’s behavior and got excuses for why it was ok for them to behave the way they did. (This was recurring behaviors, not one-time incidents.)
My reply was that I understood their choice to allow the behaviors, but that I didn’t want my children to follow suit. The parent was understandably upset with me. The behaviors bother me so much that I am willing to put that friendship on the line.
But I have to ask, why shouldn’t I limit my kids’ exposure to behaviors I don’t want them mimicking? Isn’t it my right to steer my children toward the behaviors I expect from them? When children can’t respect boundaries at other people’s houses, why should they be invited back?
I struggle with this. On the one hand, I am a “live and let live” kind of person when it comes to how we raise our kids. Sure, I may mock a trend or two here and there, and I may not agree with how everyone does it. Heck, I’m the kind of person that will mock you to your face if I think you are doing something silly. But I will be the first to stand up for your right to do things your way.
When it comes to my kids, though, I find myself firmly on the other hand. I don’t have to agree with you, but that doesn’t mean I want your kids around mine. And I will stand up for my right to influence my children the way I want.
How do other parents manage this dichotomy? Have you ever had to confront a friend about their kid’s behavior? How did you do it and how did it turn out?
Reace Alvarenga-Smith, APR
Public Relations Manager
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