Thursday, December 16, 2010
It’s safe to say that most people don’t enjoy it, but I hate it to the point of mania. Seriously, I have a problem. I could fill pages detailing the extent of my hatred, but suffice it to say that I’ve had several traumatic incidents that revolved around vomiting and it has scarred me beyond repair.
The act of vomiting has so jarred me that any food that I’ve ever vomited I refuse to eat again. The memory of it is too much for me to bear. A rational person might conclude that some type of stomach bug contributed to their illness, but not me, it has to be the food. So pulled pork sandwiches, fettuccini alfredo and bean with bacon soup are permanently off my menu.
But it doesn’t stop there. If someone pukes on a TV show or movie I have to hold my ears and close my eyes so I don’t have the image haunting me. And heaven forbid I ever witness someone vomit live and in person…
When I found out that my wife was pregnant the usual fears that haunt dads-to-be like “how can we afford a kid” or “what about my free time” didn’t even register. All I thought about was morning sickness. I’m so obsessed with vomiting that I’ve actually wasted valuable time worrying about what I would do when my wife was experiencing morning sickness years before she was actually pregnant.
In the 5 years we have been married I only remember my wife vomiting one time (she tells me it was twice, but I slept through one) and even though it didn’t personally affect me, I haven’t eaten sandwiches from Which Which since, just to be safe.
One great thing about being married to Lauren is that she totally gets my idiosyncrasies and loves me just the same. She knew we had to develop a plan with the specter of morning sickness looming and we decided that the best thing to do was to create a code word since the mere mention of “vomit or barf” causes my palms to sweat. So we came up with “thunderstorm”. Our plan was that if ever she uttered the word “thunderstorm,” that was my cue to head for the hills.
As is the case with most fears, my morning sickness fears proved to be unfounded and “thunderstorm” never had to be enacted. Lauren has been blessed with a relatively smooth pregnancy thus far. She only became ill a couple times and, lucky me, I wasn’t home when it happened.
In fact, things have been so smooth that I’ve been able to free up my time to worry about my new fear – baby thunderstorms. I have a feeling that I won’t be able to teach our son the secret code word before I get a few surprises. Luckily I don’t eat baby food or breast milk so even though I will be forced to face my fears, I won’t be adding new items to the banned food list anytime soon.
Jordan Echols is a Senior Marketing Specialist at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Dallas. His wife is 28 weeks pregnant.