Maybe You Should Hire a Pregnant Copy Editor

Fairly early in my pregnancy, I foolishly signed up for about 320 different pregnancy e-newsletters. I honestly thought I was signing up for three, tops, but then I started getting about four a day. But just as I've mentioned that sometimes people forget their manners when they see a pregnant woman, it seems that marketing people sometimes forget, too.

For instance, a diaper-producing company that shall remain nameless just sent me the exciting things they were sure I'd be excited about when I reached my 26th week of pregnancy. Only it was all pretty much a list of things I am not excited about. At all.

"You are now in Week 26 of your pregnancy, and there are exciting things to come for both you and your baby!" the newsletter enthused. "Heartburn. Moisturizing. Bleeding gums."

Another site told me that I would be able to look forward to hemorrhoids and constipation. Yet another asked - in the subject line - if I had started leaking milk.

Now, listen: Yes, I did sign up for these things hoping to glean information on a weekly basis about my particular stage of pregnancy. However, while I like the unvarnished truth, I do think it's a bit of a stretch to say I'd enjoy everything about this pregnancy. I enjoy feeling my baby kick, but not feeling my baby kick my bladder or head butt my rib cage. I enjoy always having someone to talk to, even if that someone punctuates his or her answers with sharp jabs to my belly button, which, according to Butterball, is signaling I'm almost done.

But I'm pretty sure that I will never go on about how much I love heartburn. Or bleeding gums. Or hemorrhoids and constipation. And I'm also certain I could live without my boss looking over my shoulder and seeing an e-mail about my milk factory.

Plus, as journalists say, you're burying the lead. Truth be told, the big news is that I am growing a human inside me. Suddenly, I have been bestowed with super powers that allow me to grow ears and noses, all while I sleep, work, and make dinner. I used to be pretty good at multitasking - now I am a multitasking rock star.

Tell me that this week, my baby will open its eyes and look around, and while the view won't be spectacular, it will be the first view he or she has. Tell me my baby is practicing breathing now, and that it can hear my husband when he reads a bedtime story. Tell me what stage of development he or she is in, like Texas Health’s Oh Baby emails for new parents.

Then, somewhere in the sixth paragraph, mention casually I might have heartburn and my gums might bleed. But for Pete's sake, don't lead with it.

Bethany Erickson is 25 weeks pregnant and the wife of Texas Health Resources web editor Tom Erickson.