Remembering

Tree at Texas Health Harris Methodist Hospital Fort Worth in which families can hang tokens of remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss.

Robyn Bear started the campaign to make Oct. 15th a national day of remembrance after having six first trimester miscarriages. She envisioned a day that people would recognize their losses, get support and unite around the world by lighting candles.

In 2006, Congress supported her proposal to create that day of remembrance because, as stated in their resolution, “each year, approximately one million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of a newborn baby.” 

Every October 15 since 2010 I’ve lit a candle for someone I’ll never know.

I never knew the gender or heard a heartbeat. I’ll never know if the heartbeat came and went or just never started in the first place. Eight weeks pregnant is so early that I was confused about how I was supposed to feel about it. Was it okay that I mourned the loss as if a person I knew and loved passed away? Was it weird that I needed a year’s time to try again?

What I learned quickly was that miscarriages are very common and once I shared about my own, many other women opened up about theirs. It made me feel like less of an anomaly. About a month afterward, I decided to start working on a baby quilt for whenever I felt ready to try again. I personally find healing power through creative projects and would recommend it to anyone else going through a tough time. It was a promise to myself that even though I didn’t feel okay yet, I would someday soon.

I still don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that pregnancy. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that every October 15 I remember.

--Megan Brooks, Sr. Public Relations Specialist at Texas Health Resources, Mom and Stepmom

I found out we had lost our son at my 16-week appointment. The next morning my husband and I found ourselves checked into the hospital to have a D&C. It was one of the longest days of my life. To anyone facing a second term loss, I would say hang in there and lean on your loved ones. Your family may not know what to say or how to help you, but let them be near you and know you can melt down in front of them. There will be tons of obstacles to overcome at first like any public place where you might see a baby or being invited to a friend’s baby shower and simply not being strong enough to attend, but the thing that will help you most through it is talking about it. I never knew how many people had lost a baby until I did. Being able to voice some of my thoughts and feelings and have someone tell me it was normal to feel that way was invaluable.

--Aleshia Howe, Sr. Communications Specialist at Texas Health Resources, Mom of two boys

Are you remembering someone today? What's your advice for Moms going through this type of loss?