Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Well, we have had some time to catch our breath and are about to jump back into a cycle again. The last one was a disappointment having to stop in the middle, but hopefully this time we will see better results. I get my new calendar today so hopefully in about a month I will have some happy news to report. I must say my mom was concerned that we were going through another cycle and asked: “what if this doesn’t work? Are you going to be okay?” My reply was “no.”
After having to stop in our last cycle I realized that I’m going to just knock down the wall I’ve built around myself. I had told myself when we started this again that there was a good chance it wouldn’t work and tried to mentally prepare myself for that so it wouldn’t hurt as much and I wouldn’t be as disappointed. If this doesn’t work, I’ll be upset. I’ll cry. I might be a little depressed, but I will be okay. I’m not going to try to psych myself up this time for the “what ifs?” like I did last time. I’m just going to move forward one day at a time and feel what I feel. I know God has a plan for us but I don’t know what that is yet. I don’t know if that includes us having a baby. Whatever it is we are good with it. And I know that going through all of this has continued to shape me into the person I was meant to be and make my priorities in my life even more clear. Until next time!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I had my last sonogram this morning and it looks like we are all set for embryo transfer on Monday. Wow, that’s soon! I’m really looking forward to progress. I must say it feels like I have been in limbo for quite some time since our first cycle didn’t work. I am so at peace with whatever the outcome is. Granted, I am full of hormones right now and can cry on command, but still, the logical part of my brain is good with either a positive or negative pregnancy test. What will happen is they will transfer two embryos in on Monday and then nine days later they will do a blood pregnancy test to see if it worked. I’m thinking that might be nine very long days, what do you think? I’ll post again after transfer. Until then -- think sticky.
Makala Pollard is a Senior Marketing Specialist for Texas Health Resources and Stepmom to two boys.
I think allowing yourself to feel how you feel and not apologize for it is one of the hardest parts of infertility, partly because you don't now how you are going to react and feel to any given situation. But, I think it is an important place to be at because it is harder to always have to pretend.
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