Who’s on First?

My toddler’s vocabulary and conversational skills are growing by leaps and bounds lately. I’m honestly amazed by the new things he comes up with on what seems like a daily basis. It’s been fun to have the beginnings of "real" conversations with him. Of course, some are more amusing than others. Last night, we had this conversation after leaving our favorite local taco truck.

S: I no wanna go home! I wanna eat here!

D: I know you want to eat here, baby, but we need to go home to eat so we can have a plate and eat at a table. Plus, we ate out last night, and Sadie [the dog] wants us home tonight. She misses us.

S: No.

D (in an attempt to distract the grump-ster): Sam, do you want a chip?

S: Yes!

(Mommy passes back requested chip)

S: Tank you. (A few moments pass. Crunching heard from back seat.) I want anudder chip.

M: Not until we get home.

S: No!

D: We’re almost home, Sam. Do you want to have a chip when we get home?

S: No.

D: So you’re not going to eat any more chips?

S: No.

D: So you’re not going to have any more chips tonight?

S: No! I want anudder chip!

D: Well, when we get home you can have one.

S: No!

And so it went on until we got home, where, of course, Sam wouldn’t come to the table to eat dinner.

M: Sam, come get in your chair and eat.

S: No, I paying baseball.

D: Sam, come eat your dinner.

S: No, I paying baseball.

(Repeat at least 10 times in the next 5 minutes while Daddy and I continue to eat our dinners.)

D: Sam, are you going to eat your taco?

S: No.

D: Okay, if you’re not going to eat your taco, I’m going to eat it.

S: OK!

(After a couple more warnings, Daddy eats the taco.)

D: Sam, come get your French fries if you want any.

(Sam comes to get one, then goes back to "paying" baseball.)

A full five minutes after Sam’s entire dinner (minus a few French fries that he deigned to eat) has been consumed by Mommy and Daddy, he comes over to me at the table.

S: I want my dinner.

M: It’s all gone. You said you didn’t want it, so Daddy and I ate it.

S: Noooooooooo!

M: I’m sorry you’re upset, but you said you didn’t want your dinner, and you said Daddy and I could have it.

S: NOooooooooooo!(commences foot-stomping, whining, and attempting to get into the trash to verify that said meal is gone)

Never fear, the child didn’t go hungry – Daddy fixed him something else to eat, but after all that, I was beginning to wonder when I wandered into an Abbott and Costello sketch! Have you had similar conversations with your child? Did you laugh or pull your hair out (or both)?

Julie Daneman is wife to Bryan, Stepmom to Jacob and Caleb, and Mommy to Sam. They are a boisterous, loving, happy interfaith family.